The child behind the temper tantrum
If you can do this, at the very moment you focus on the other person in a caring way, you will find your anger arousal quieting. I'm not suggesting that peace, love and harmony will follow. If there is a confrontation here, you may be entirely justified in your anger and may have to take action that the other person will dislike.
A child has a temper tantrum in a store when you refuse to buy her a toy. Onlookers stare at you as though you must have committed some horrible act of child abuse. You are in a rush to get home and now you have a toddler going ballistic in a toy store. You react with embarrassment and anger to the tirade.
If you could pull away from those emotions for a moment, you might find yourself looking through the eyes of a very tired child, or a child who has come to think of himself as the boss. Maybe you or someone else has contributed by overindulging the child in similar circumstances. As you do, you might find yourself sighing, determined to show your love by not giving in to the child's demands. Or you might discover something quite different. The point is that stepping outside your anger turns down the heat in your own brain. When this happens, you can size up the situation and make better decisions.
Next: Skill 18: Find common ground