Skill 22
Offer a conciliatory gesture
The FireWorks approach to anger management emphasizes partnership. Once you find common ground with the other person's take on the situation, you could consider offering a conciliatory gesture. You do something the other wants or needs without losing something critical for you.

Let's say your boss is angry about your work. He's under a lot of pressure, but his anger might even be disproportionate to your error. This is probably not the time for a confrontation. Maybe the best thing you could do is to simply say, "You know, you are right. I screwed up. I promise you this, I'll do my best to correct my mistake and to work hard to avoid such errors in the future." Offering a conciliatory gesture is a reasonable concession to the other person.

Firesmall
#25 Offering a conciliation
In your journal, record the key words for how you feel in each of the following circumstances:

1. Your two preschoolers are teasing and shoving each other during a long car trip. (trip)
2. Your spouse is angry with you because you don't want to go see the movie she (or he) wants to see. (movie)
3. Your teenager is angry because you won't buy him a music CD he wants for his birthday (music)

What reasonable conciliatory gesture could you offer in each of the situations? (How to get an agreement.)

Next: Three conciliatory gestures