Supporting a Friend or Family Member

How to Start the Conversation

Seek out a private, quiet place to begin talking. Allow plenty of time to talk at length. Start by saying the following:

• "It is not your fault."
• "I am here to listen.
• "I am sorry you are experiencing this."
• "You don't deserve this."

During the Conversation

What do you do?

• Listen. Your friend may need to tell you their story more than once.
• Believe. Survivors need to know that you believe what happened. It is rare that people make up stories about sexual assault.
• Validate feelings. Acknowledge your friend's sadness, anger, fear, or confusion.
• Assure. Tell your friend that they did the best they could do to survive the situation and that no one deserves to be sexually assaulted.
• Don't say: "When are you going to get over this?"
• Don't say: "Why don't you just leave your partner/girlfriend/boyfriend?"
• Don't blame or judge your friend.

Now that you know, what can you do?

Support and Education

• Avoid treating your friend like a helpless victim.
• Healing takes time. Respect your friend's pace and be patient.
• Accept your friend's decision whether to report the assault and/or to cooperate with the prosecution.
• Help your friend with plans, but don't make decisions for them.
• Respect your friend's right to tell or not tell others about the assault or abuse.
• Only give advice if and when your friend asks for it.
• Remind your friend that sexual assault and physical domestic violence are crimes and are never the victim's fault.
• Remind your friend that they are not alone.