Survival Skills

Don't just take our word for it -- hear from other parents and family members about the advice, wisdom, and coping strategies that they found helpful when their students transitioned to K-State.

Rule #1 - Let them miss you

Students will miss you. Whether it is verbalized or not, your student will miss having you around to talk to or remind them of daily life activities. Try not to bring up the topic of missing home and family. If you bring up the idea of being homesick, your student might desire to come home more frequently and miss out on becoming an independent student. If students feel homesick, they sometimes feel like coming home is a cure, but many times it is better if they work through those moments by staying in Manhattan.

Rule #2 - Ask the right questions

Students do enjoy having someone interested in their life still. Questions with some ulterior motives can make students put up their guard. Asking questions about what is going on around campus and the community to gain insight into their lives without prying will lead students to be more open later on, with what is happening in their lives.

Rule #3 - Make your visits special

Visiting campus is a great way for you to connect with your student on their turf. They like to show you where they hang out and even who they interact with. It is best to plan your visit so your student can manage their schedule of studying and activities around your visit. Many times students enjoy having a meal out with their parents or going to the store to get a few essential items that are needed. Make sure these visits are not happening so frequently that students are not able to create a social circle of their own or to partake in campus activities or study on weekends. Balancing will ensure great success for your student.

Rule #4 - They will change, and so will you

When students go off to college, they will start to change. Sometimes this occurs quickly after they arrive, or slowly over their time at school. This change is not traditionally drastic, but can sometimes be startling. A student, who might have had a few friends in high school, might gain a large social circle or the student who had no interest in a particular subject before could find it makes for a perfect major. Underneath this new exterior, they still will maintain many qualities and attributes you sent them to college with.

While your student is figuring out who he or she is as a person, you are learning as well how to be without your student. Expect yourself to change some, too. You will learn how to interact with your student in new ways while also maintaining the bond you previously had.

Rule #5 - 90 percent-10 percent rule

A man named Harlan Cohen coined a philosophy called the "ten percent rule." He suggests that 90 percent of your student's days at school will be good ones; 10 percent will not be so good. When your student calls on one of the 10 percent days, they will unload their troubles on you to feel comforted. Many times your student will forget to call when good things happen, which leaves you feeling like their overall experience is unenjoyable. Remember 90 percent of the days are good ones, so be patient when there are bad ones. If you are concerned that there are more bad days than good ones, be sure to reach out to Student Support and Accountability to see how they might help your student.

Rule #6 - Trust that you have raised them to make difficult decisions

Over the years, you have given your student many opportunities to make decisions on their own. When coming to college, they will still face these decisions but without the safety net of home. Trust your student to make decisions that are the best for them. During this time when students second-guess themselves much more than normal, they will need your support in their decision-making process. When they ask for advice, freely give them the knowledge you have gained. Remind them and yourself that they will make the best decision possible and learn from their mistakes. Students will have times of indecision but with support and encouragement, they will thrive in their college environment.

Rule #7 - Let them create their own college story

Students have seen and heard about many college experiences. Whether this is from the movies, friends, relatives, or you, there are many perceptions of the college experience. The best way for students to gain success is to let them create their own college story. Many times students will want to repeat a family member's college experience. Remind them to take this time to make their own K-State story and use the other stories as advice on what college can offer them.

Rule #8 - A full mailbox = A full heart

For the first time, students have their own mailbox with their own key. At home, receiving mail was exciting yet familiar. In college, it is even more exciting to receive mail in a place they call their own. Snail mail is not the only way to keep a special relationship with your student. Email is a powerful way to drop a note to your student and know it will find them in the midst of their school day. These nice surprises show that you care, yet are not being overly intrusive. Remember, students most likely will not write back. Expect some correspondence to not have a reply.

Do you have advice you'd like to share? Email parentsandfamily@k-state.edu to pass along your words of wisdom!