Emotions preceding anger
Recall a time when you felt angry. Picture the situation and the timeline. When did the anger start? How did it progress? What happened as it progressed?
McKay and Rogers in The Anger Control Workbook suggest nine feelings that might have preceded your anger:
1. Guilt--a sense of having done something wrong.
2. Shame--a deep feeling of being unacceptable, flawed, or contemptible.
3. Hurt--a feeling of being devalued or denigrated by others.
4. Loss--a feeling that something you needed or counted on is lost or missing.
5. Hunger/frustrated drive--an aching for something; a strong sense of incompleteness.
6. Helplessness--a feeling that there is nothing you can do about your pain; crucial elements in your life are beyond your control.
7. Anxiety/fear--a dread of something that could happen; a sense of danger; a fear of certain things or situations.
8. Feeling unworthy--a sense that you aren't good enough, that you are bad or wrong or without intrinsic value.
9. Emptiness--a sense either of numbness or a hollowness that requires constant attention and activity.
How could any of these feelings affect your anger in response to your daughter arriving home so late?
Next: Principle 7: Anger varies in intensity