How to Stay Stressed!
Check out these great tips on how to maintain that incredible stress level you're experiencing right now!
Never Exercise
- Exercise wastes a lot of time that could be spent worrying. Eat anything you want. Hey, if cigarette smoke can’t cleanse your system, a balanced diet isn’t likely to, either.
Gain Weight
- Work hard at staying at least 25 pounds over your recommended weight.
Take Plenty of Stimulants
- The old standards of caffeine, nicotine, sugar, and cola will continue to do the job just fine.
Avoid “Woo-Woo” Practices
- Ignore the evidence suggesting that meditation, yoga, deep breathing, and/or mental imaging help to reduce stress. The Protestant work ethic is good for everyone. Protestant or not.
Get Rid of Your Social Support System
- Let the few friends who are willing to tolerate you know that you will concern yourself with friendships only if you have time, and you never have time. If a few people persist in trying to be your friend, avoid them.
Personalize All Criticism
- Anyone who criticizes any aspect of your work, family, dog, house, or car is mounting a personal attack. Don’t take time to listen; be offended, then return the attack!
Throw Out Your Sense of Humor
- Staying stressed is no laughing matter, and it shouldn’t be treated as one.
Males and Females Alike – Be Macho
- Never ever ask for help, and if you want it done right, do it yourself!
Become a Workaholic
- Put work before everything else, and be sure to work at home evenings and weekends. Keep reminding yourself that vacations are for sissies.
Discard Good Time Management Skills
- Schedule in more activities every day than you can possibly get done and then worry about it all whenever you get a chance.
Procrastinate
- Putting things off to the last second always produces a marvelous amount of stress.
Worry About Things You Can’t Control
- Worry about the stock market, earthquakes, the approaching Ice Age – you know, all the big issues.
Become Not Only a Perfectionist But Set Impossibly High Standards
- ….and either beat yourself up, or feel guilty, depressed, discouraged, and/or inadequate when you don’t meet them.
Source: De Anza Health Office, Stanford University