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Tool #36. Ignore irrelevant behavior

Difficulty: Intermediate Type: Guidance Ages: 2-18
Definition:
Irrelevant behaviors are actions children take to distract you from enforcing a limit. Though often aggravating, irrelevant behavior does not actually break an established limit or rule. Ignore this behavior (unless it disturbs others) while enforcing the limit. Assume a neutral expression and look or move away. Withhold your attention. Paying attention to irrelevant behavior, even with punishment, will increase the chance of that behavior occurring again. Never tolerate behavior that is harmful.

Examples:
bulletTommy (3 years) begins crying and complaining at the store when his mother tells him she will not buy him a toy. Mother ignores the whining. She does not buy the toy.
bulletStephanie (13 years) is told by her mother that she cannot go out-of-town with a friend. Stephanie begins yelling, accusing her mother of indifference and cruelty. Mother stands by her decision and refuses to respond to her daughter's remarks.
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http://www.ksu.edu/wwparent/courses/rd/tools/36.htm-- Revised: February 13 , 2003
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