what to expect
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meet the parents
Being the parent of a college student is rough. You have to know when to be supportive and when to set your student straight, when to swoop in to save the day, and when to step back and let students figure things out for themselves. As the parents of new college students, it’s helpful to learn from those who have already gone through the ups and downs of college.
Meet Lori MacAdam, Barbara Luhrs, and Diane Hoobler.
Lori is the parent of a 2006 graduate in public relations from Augusta.
Barbara is the parent of a 2005 graduate in secondary education, and a current student in apparel marketing and public relations, from Overland Park.
Diane is the parent of a 1996 graduate in agribusiness, a 1999 graduate in agribusiness, and a 2003 graduate in agricultural economics, from Zeandale.
How is college different today than for your generation?
Barbara: Students can have a wider array of experiences than when I was at K-State in the 1970s. They can travel abroad, have internships, plan community service projects, and prepare for graduate school.
Lori: It seems that there is a lot more pressure to make a decision on your major. You can’t just get the basic requirements out of the way before you decide—you may already be way behind. I also think these requirements are more difficult than they were 30 years ago.
What was the biggest adjustment for you and your child?
Lori: I always thought my daughter was very independent, but I soon realized that she relied on us much more than I was aware. It was an adjustment to sometimes tell her she had to figure it out.
Was it hard for you to adjust to your child’s new freedom?
Barbara: No—but my daughters may disagree with me on that one! Freedom is part of going to college. They have to get up on their own and go to class, decide which friends to hang out with, plan their study times, decide if they want to drink, etc. As a parent, you have to believe that you have instilled values in them that they will follow.
Diane: I know they did some things I wouldn’t approve of. But I had faith that they knew the difference between right and wrong. You’ve got to let them grow up and be independent. If you don’t, what kind of adults are they going to be?
Which part of your child’s experience has been the most difficult?
Barbara: Although many parents would not put this at the top of their list, one thing that I found difficult is caring for my daughters long distance, especially when they are sick. As their mother, you want to take care of them as you have for their first 18 years, but now they have to make their own decisions.
Diane: You worry about them always, but we had good communication. You worry when they struggle at the point of being really overwhelmed. That’s when I’d make a special effort to call and say, “What could I do to help?”
Did your child experience homesickness?
Lori: Yes, she found it difficult to find a group to hang with the first semester. She came home about every weekend and called many times a week. I told her that unless it was an out of the ordinary circumstance, she would finish the year there—my best advice ever. When she graduated, she hated to leave.
Did your child work during college?
Diane: We thought it was important that our kids should have to pay for part of their education. We’d pay for other stuff, but they earned their spending money.
What's your advice for parents with children getting ready for college?
Barbara: Even if you have planned for months or even years, be prepared for the phone calls, because I can guarantee that they will come. And they may be tearful phone calls if you have daughters. Think about how you are going to help your student through these situations. It is time to walk the fine line between making the decision for her and helping her come to her own conclusion.
Lori: Start letting them take care of themselves—making their own appointments, figuring out what to do when the car breaks down, when the cable isn’t working, when the money runs out, life in general.
Diane: Be there for them. Always keep the lines of communication open.