I Kind of Wish

i kind of wish there had been thunder and
fire and a cloud of smoke that had swallowed
me up for days on the day i was born
i kind of wish that there had been thousands
of trumpets breaking open thousand year
old hills and bones and a voice that rattled
the ground a voice that rattled the knees of
everybody who kind of stood around
i kind of wish it had been a little
more dreadful with gold wings of cherubim
almost touching over the mercy seat
and seven eyes all looking in every
direction and wheels and armies grinding
all our teeth to dust but instead of dread
a homeless Man Who everybody thought
was crazy was tortured until He was
dead because He called Himself God and told
us we needed Him and instead of a
dirty grave He came back and told us all
about how wrong we’d been and instead of
floods and fires swallowing me whole i knelt
and i cried as soon as i realized i
wasn’t whole and that spot in me where once
was a gaping hole was plugged and i could
finally breathe and i got up off my
knees and felt a hand on my shoulder and
heard a voice in my ear and right then when
i kind of wished i could collapse instead
i went to war