Show solidarity and honest common ground
As we talk, we can demonstrate solidarity with the Other’s experience and further our credibility by sharing our feelings and memories. There may be a moment during the conversation when Friends pause with indecision or fear. Maybe at that moment they might feel embarrassed and self-conscious. Sharing an experience at that moment may bring us closer to Friends and build a sense of community between us.

We can do this briefly without seizing the limelight and taking the focus away from Friends. We can respond honestly but keep Friends in the lead.

For example, I might reveal to a young person who has cystic fibrosis that I had severe asthma as a child. I might share an experience I had with one of my children with a mother who is feeling hopeless about her teenager.

Sharing ourselves can be tricky. We shouldn’t imply that we know what Friends feel. Our comments should show the solidarity to keep Friends on track.