Tool #40. Stack your resources

Associate each of these qualities with an experience you have had in the past. For example, you might remember a person who is a superb example of each quality. Have this association clearly in your imagination. As you picture the place or person, perform some subtle body movement like touching your forefinger and thumb together, or cupping your hands together, or touching your hand to your chin. As you do so, experience the state of mind and heart you want to have as you respond to the problem. This physical act is your "resource trigger." Practice making this association several times.

When the problem occurs, perform the resource trigger before doing anything else. Reexperience the feelings and ideas associated with the trigger.

Example:
Marjorie's baby Julie cries a lot. As a single parent, Marjorie is under a lot of pressure. Several times she has found herself becoming angry with Julie's continued crying during the middle of the night. During these moments of fatigue and frustration, Marjorie feels herself gradually losing control over her actions. She wants to be more patient, loving, and relaxed when Julie starts to cry.

Patience reminds her of her grandmother who taught her to cook. Loving reminds her of an affectionate grandfather who gave her gentle hugs. For relaxation she recalls a stream she used to visit when she was a child. While touching her hand to her heart, she recalls vividly both grandparents and what they would say to her about the problem if they were present. She also imagines the stream and all of its sounds. She practices associating her memories with the heart touches several times each day, experiencing the feelings of patience, love, and serenity in her imagination.

At night when Julie begins to cry, Marjorie pauses, places her hand over her heart and recalls her resources of patience, love and serenity. After a few moments, she feels a little calmer and is ready to help her baby.