Workplace Improvement Tips
Steps to Resolve Conflict – According to Dr. Joyce Marter
- In the heat of the moment take a moment to regroup, you want to avoid a knee jerk reaction.
- Try to view the conflict from a neutral place at a distance. Who and what are you really mad at?
- Take responsibility, look at your own role in the conflict.
- Be aware of your non-verbal communication, what messages are you sending with hand gestures, facial expressions and body language.
- Do not attack the person’s character, do not show contempt, eye rolling, stop talking, taking the defense, seeing yourself as the victim.
- Demonstrate that you understand the person’s feelings, for example, “I can understand that you feel upset by that”.
- Stay in the present, don’t bring up old issues from the past. Be clear, direct, and appropriate.
- Use “I messages” “I am upset that you come to work late”.
- Look for a “win-win”. Listen to hear the other person. Ask clarifying questions.
- Be willing to forgive.
Steps to Resolve a Conflict
- Think of a constructive way to deal with the situation before you speak
- Both people need to agree to ground rules:
- No interrupting
- No name calling or put downs
- Speak for yourself, not for the other person
- Each person takes turns to tell his/her view of the situation using I-messages while the other person uses active listening skills
- Both people suggest and list possible solutions
- Both agree on a resolution by choosing from list in step #4
- How did it go? What might work better next time?
An “I” Message Has Four Parts
- “I feel…………….” (State the feeling)
- “When you……….” (Describe the other person’s behavior)
- “because………….” (Describe the results of the other person’s behavior)
- “and I want……….” (State what would correct the situation for you)
Ways to Actively Listen
- Clarify – get more information. Ask questions.
- Restate – say in your own words what you heard the other person say, including their feelings.
- Encouraging – using neutral or nonthreatening words to help another person say more about the situation and how they feel.