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spacerHumor: Snippets: Set 1

At the beginning of a children's sermon, one girl came up to the altar wearing a beautiful dress. As the children were sitting down around the pastor, he leaned over and said to the girl, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter dress?" The girl replied almost directly into the pastor's clip-on mike, "Yes, and my mom says it's a bitch to iron."
Submitted by Bill and Cori Smith

A Sunday school teacher asked her little children, as they were on the the way to church service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" One bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."
Submitted by Bill and Cori Smith

A mother was teaching her 3-year-old the Lord's prayer. For several evenings at bedtime she repeated it after her mother. One night she said she was ready to solo. The mother listened with pride as she carefully enunciated each word, right up to the end of the prayer. "Lead us not into temptation," she prayed, "but deliver us some E-mail, Amen."
Submitted by Bill and Cori Smith

A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, "I'm Mr.Sugar- brown's daughter." Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, "I'm Jane Sugarbrown. The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, "Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?" She replied, "I thought I was, but mother says I'm not."
Submitted by Bill and Cori Smith

An acquaintance of mine who is a physician told this story about her then-four-year-old daughter. On the way to preschool, the doctor had left her stethoscope on the car seat, and her little girl picked it up and began playing with it. 'Be still, my heart,' thought my friend, 'my daughter wants to follow in my footsteps!' Then the child spoke into the instrument:

"Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order?"
Submitted by Bill and Cori Smith

Ever notice how a 4 year olds voice is louder than 200 adult voices?

Several years ago, I returned home from a trip just when a storm hit, with crashing thunder and severe lightning. As I came into my bedroom about 2 a.m., I found my two children in bed with my wife, Karey, apparently scared by the loud storm. I resigned myself to sleep in the guest bedroom that night. The next day, I talked to the children, and explained that it was okay to sleep with Mom when the storm was bad, but when I was expected home, please don't sleep with Mom that night. They said okay.

After my next trip several weeks later, Karey and the children picked me up in the terminal at the appointed time. Since the plane was late, everyone had come into the terminal to wait for my plane's arrival, along with hundreds of other folks waiting for their arriving passengers. As I entered the waiting area, my son saw me, and came running shouting, "Hi, Dad! I've got some good news!" As I waved back, I said loudly, "What's the good news?" "Nobody slept with Mommy while you were away this time!" Alex shouted. The airport became very quiet, as everyone in the waiting area looked at Alex, then turned to me, and then searched the rest of the area to see if they could figure out exactly who his Mom was.
Submitted by Bill and Cori Smith

I love remembering when my children were younger. At that time, I wondered if I could explain things well enough. For example; my youngest daughter was about 3 and we had been having a lot of car trouble.She asked me if it was going to be okay? and patted my hand. So I told her that when "Life hands you lemons, make lemonade." At about the same time, my father had that old car towed away. She asked "Was it broken?" and he said, "No, it's a lemon, and they are going to take it to the junkyard" A few weeks later, we were watching TV. The program had a segement featuring a junkyard with one of those machines that flatten the cars. This caught her attention and it seemed to trouble her a little. {or so I thought} so I asked her if she was going to be okay? She didn't answer me because she was concentrating so hard. About that time the machine picked up this little yellow car and dropped it into the crusher. I asked her if she knew what they were doing? I di! dn't know why she was suddenly smiling until she said "Making lemonade."
Mother of four

I may have over-empowered my daughter. This morning I told her that she needed to either go in and do her hair herself or I was going to come in and do it (she doesn't like me to do it), but she needed to hurry and decide because we were late. She continued to stand in the hall and as I moved toward the bathroom before she had made up her mind, she screamed at me "Mommy, you don't make decisions for my life, I make my decisions!!!"
Reap what you sow... :0)

It was the perfect ham sandwich. A thick slab of ham, fresh lettuce and tomato, yummy brown mustard between to pieces of fresh baked bread. As I sat down at the picnic table, readying myself for that first delicious bit, my husband brought our 6 week old son over to me. "Please hold Richard while I make my own sandwich", he said. I took the precious bundle in my arms. After I situated him on one leg, I went back to the issue at hand. As I was about to pick up my sandwich, I noticed some brown mustard had gotten on my hand. So, I licked it off. It wasn't mustard!

Over halloween we passed a house near our church beautifuly decorated with pumpkins my daughter Amy asked me who lived there and I said I did not know some other people and she asked me "are they friends we dont know yet" how beautiful is that?
Naoise, a very proud mother

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