Warmth
We convey warmth through hugs and kisses, though smiles and being close together. We show we care by making an investment of our time. Warmth cannot be faked nor can it be achieved in short bursts of contact. Warmth is a genuine investment, an expression of caring over time.
❖ JOURNAL: 4. The relationship bank
Think of a typical hour you have with one of your children. During that hour, imagine making a bank deposit for every positive reaction you made to your child's behavior. A hug, a kiss, and a pat on the back, a kind word, and a smile--a deposit made for each one. Every negative reaction: a frown, a correction, taking a toy away, expressing anger, is a withdrawal. Withdrawals have to be made (that's a parent's job at times). Some deposits and some withdrawals are larger than others. Spanking, for example, is likely to be large withdrawal. Each of the deposits have value, each of the withdrawals reduce that value. You can look at the balance after looking at this tally. Describe the type of account you would like to have and what you will do to achieve it.
So, what does your relationship bank account look like? Is the account slipping into bankruptcy? If so, there are two things you can do. You can increase the deposits and/or decrease the withdrawals. Parents who are bankrupt with their children lose their influence to be effective teachers. Some of the tools we discuss later in this course will show you how to do reestablish a healthy account.
Next: Respect