Core idea 18
Man up and contribute to share the load
The best parents are those who partner in the work of childrearing. How that partnership evolves should be up to the couple, not something forced into some template dictated by anyone else. A father might be the lawn mower, the house painter, the car fixer, the house handyman, the breadwinner while the mother cares for the children, cleans house, and cooks dinner. What’s wrong with that? Or the reverse could be true. Or some other variation might work. Nothing is wrong with any of those choices either. The key is that both people respect each other and share the workload equally in both the home and childcare.

What each of you does is something you can negotiate as a couple. Caring for a baby is not women’s work; it’s parents’ work. If your partner seems possessive of the baby be firm on becoming more involved. Ask her to show you how to change a diaper and how to use a baby bottle. Show her that you can provide care for your baby.

And don’t just do the fun stuff. No one enjoys changing a diaper with a soft stool that has erupted up the child’s back. If the idea of changing a diaper makes you feel like gagging, keep in mind that changing a dirty diaper on your baby is quite different from changing the same diaper on someone’s else’s baby. Even so, the result is still feces; it’s not perfume and somebody has to do it.

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Journal 11 My job as a father

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