Friends are afraid to reveal themselves
When Friends feel helpless and hopeless, they may retreat from being open. They may hold back because they believe we are not interested in them or will criticize what they think or feel. Instead of saying what is on their minds and in their hearts, they are more likely to take refuge in generalities. Instead of saying, "I feel angry," they might say, "You make me upset!" or "I don't feel right." Instead of revealing what they really want to talk about, they just nibble around the edges of their experience. They test us.

As comfort in the conversation increases, Friends may introduce a personal concern. If we respond to this idea supportively, they may feel safe to explore their experience more deeply.

How do we know when Friends want to introduce something personally important in the conversation, to begin telling their story? A change of voice, a pause to think for a moment, a facial expression of emotion, a change in body posture may indicate that Friends are going beyond small talk into personal talk.

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Arm Lifting