what to expect
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Preventing roommate woes
Before moving in
Living with a roommate can be a wonderful experience that gains you a friend, but it can also be one of those experiences you list as character-building. To avoid the worst-case scenario, encourage your student to create a discussion list before moving in.
Your student’s task: have a good roommate relationship, built on compromise and communication. The maxim to remember is, "This is our room, and we both have an equal right to be here."
Although most roommate situations work out great, some don’t. You might receive a lot of upset phone calls over all the minute things roommates do that drive each other nuts. Here’s a list of things to think about to get the roommate relationship started out right.
Stocking the room
Who’s bringing what? You can save a considerable amount of money and space by combining possessions. Students may want their own computers and laundry baskets, but they can share a TV, stereo, microwave, iron and ironing board, and mini-fridge.
Sharing
You’ve trained your little darling to be good at sharing since pre-school, but some people are touchy about people eating their food or borrowing their clothes. Encourage your student to politely but firmly tell his or her roommate which personal possessions are not to be shared.
Sleeping
Good roommates find out what time each person generally goes to sleep and wakes up (on weekdays and weekends). Are they heavy or light sleepers? If they wake up at different times, will they be able to sleep through an alarm clock? What about sleeping with the light on? And if one roommate likes to hit the snooze button five times every morning, setting a limit might be a good idea.
Cleaning duties
Students should set up a chore list and divide it up evenly. It’s good for all students to get in the habit of cleaning up after themselves: washing dishes before they grow “fur,” taking out the trash so people down the hall don’t ask about the weird smell, keeping clothes confined to their own closets, etc.
Decorating
Your student’s bedroom at home is plastered with Justin Timberlake posters or filled with that model car collection that was so cool in fifth grade. But at college, roommates will have to compromise about the room’s décor. If styles clash, roommates should try to find some neutral posters and colors. Or each student can take half of the room and decorate however he or she wants. Better yet, the poster sale each semester in the Union could be a great time for some roomie bonding.
Entertainment
Students should find out what each likes to watch on television and if those interests conflict. If one person can’t miss “Grey’s Anatomy,” but the other thrives on the drama of “Desperate Housewives,” what will they do if both shows are on at the same time? What music does each person listen to? How loud? How often do they plan to have guests over? When is quiet time to study or relax?
We know this is a pretty long list and will probably span more than a few cups of coffee, but the slightest annoyance can grow if students are forced to deal with it every day.
Helping your student to clear up these things in advance is the best way to build a good roommate relationship—and to avoid a lot of dramatic phone calls.
Learn more about the residence halls
Read our decorating tips for students with a creative bent
Read tips for students decorating on a budget
After move-in
Classes just started but your student’s roommate is a slob who uses your kid’s stuff, leaves smelly clothes everywhere, and worst of all, hogs the TV. What do you do?
First of all, don’t overreact. Commiserate with your son or daughter, but remember that you’re only hearing one side of the story. Roommate problems are common because sharing space with a new person is hard.
Try to get a clear understanding of the issue. Many students call home to vent, making small problems seem bigger than they are to hide what’s bothering them. Sometimes a tirade about roommate frustrations may be the easiest thing to get off their chests.
Students from different backgrounds and lifestyles are bound to clash at some point. As much as you want to help, try to let your son or daughter work it out without assistance.
Step 1: Conversation is key
Has your student spoken to the roommate about the problem? Most people try to avoid conflict and won’t address irritations right away. "Bad" roommates may not realize they’re driving others nuts. People aren’t mind readers, so remind your student that dark thoughts directed at his or her roommate won’t make the laundry pick itself up.
Step 2: Be Mr. (or Ms.) Fix It
Is there an easy solution to the problem you can suggest? Can a simple compromise solve it? If the issue is about too little space, see if some cheap shelving from Wal-Mart or Target can provide a quick fix. Or if the roommate is eating all the Easy Mac, send a care package with a little extra for the mooch. Then tell your student to talk with the roommate about possessions and sharing.
Step 3: Use resources
Is the problem still out of hand? Encourage your student to go to his or her resident assistant with the problem. RAs are great resources, and they’ve been trained to mediate tense or difficult situations.The RA can pass the issue on to the Housing Governing Board if the problem is too big to handle.
If the problem becomes too serious, you and your student should seek professional help in K-State’s Housing and Dining Services or Counseling Services.
With that said, switching rooms is usually the last resort. It may seem like a quick fix to the situation, but we all know the easiest option isn’t always the best one. To begin with, there’s no guarantee a new roommate will be any better. It could be worse.
Step 4: It’s a learning experience
These are just a few guidelines to help you and your student work through potential issues. Prevention is the way to go, but sometimes even the best-laid plans fall short.
Some people aren’t cut out to be roommates. It’s hard for them to share breathing space, much less belongings. If your student seems ready to place a duct-tape line down the middle of the room to keep others out, he or she may fall under this category.
Encourage your student to be tolerant and to keep an open mind. Learning how to get along with different types of people is part of the college experience. If your student toughs it out, he or she will grow in confidence and salvage a friendship.