College adjustment
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Survival skills for parents
Words of wisdom
Follow these rules to maintain a positive and open parent-student relationship. You’re bound to impress your student by becoming the coolest parent around.
Rule 1: Don’t ask about homesickness
The first few weeks of school are packed with activities, new friends, and the challenge of adjusting to new situations. Unless students are reminded of homesickness (usually by well-intentioned parents), the loneliness and frustration probably won’t be a factor. They’re just too busy. (And those who are homesick don’t need another reminder!)
Rule 2: Stay in touch
Although freshmen are typically eager to experience all the away-from-home independence they can, most are still happy to hear from the ’rents. Most kids expect an e-mail once a week, but snail mail can be cause for excitement, as long as something’s in it!
Go the extra mile by sending things such as clippings from your home newspaper, recent photos, and home-cooked desserts. Actions speak louder than words, especially when chocolate chip cookies are part of the deal.
Check out the K-State Parents and Family Association partner companies who offer products perfect for college students. Ten percent of the proceeds go to the K-State Parents and Family Fund.
Just remember that no matter what students say, they want to hear from you. How often depends on the student, but once or twice a week is a safe bet. There’s nothing more depressing than checking your inbox all week to find it (still) empty or watching your roommate open a care package filled with goodies while you salivate in a lonely corner.
Warning #1: Don’t expect a reply to every e-mail. The you-write-one, they-write-one sequence isn’t always followed by college students, so expect some unanswered correspondence.
Rule 3: Be cool about it
Parents really wanting to be hip should join the technology revolution to impress their kids. Contribute to in-class delinquency by sending an occasional text message. Most phone providers will add unlimited text messaging to a plan for a few extra dollars a month.
Sign up for an IM account to chat in real time using smileys and fun colors (AOL, Hotmail, and Yahoo all have free programs—way cheaper than long distance). If it’s OK with your student, you could even get a MySpace or Facebook account. With these, you can create a profile, leave messages, post pictures, join interest groups, etc.
Warning #2: The key to technology is to keep it fun and not intrusive. If you’re going to use these tools to spy on your kid, don’t bother signing up: you’ll just irritate them and ruin any cool image you’d gained.
But if you’d like to keep in touch and make it fun for your student at the same time, find the mode that fits your relationship. Your tech-savvy ways are sure to impress your student.
Score some K-State-inspired downloads for your phone and computer
Rule 4: Ask questions (but not too many)
College freshmen are super-cool (or so they think) and tend to resent interference with their newfound lifestyles. Parental curiosity can be obnoxious and alienating or welcome and supporting, depending on who’s involved.
If you’re calling to check up on class attendance or give the third degree over bank account issues, don’t hide it with small talk. They’ll also see right through roundabout methods like asking what they think of the library’s paint scheme.
Students can tell why parents call, so honest communication can strengthen the parent-child relationship. Remember to balance the interrogations with genuine conversations.
Rule 5: Visit (but not too often)
Visits by parents—especially when accompanied by shopping sprees and dinners out—are much-anticipated events (even if freshmen will never admit it).
Do something extra while you’re visiting, like having them give you a tour of campus, taking them to a movie, or best yet, inviting their roommate to tag along for the day.
Remember, spur-of-the-moment visits aren’t appreciated. Preempting your students’ weekend plans usually has disastrous results. It’s best to call and plan a visit, or better yet, come on Family Day. That way you may get to see a clean room.
Check out our list of good days to visit campus
Rule 6: Don’t worry too much about depressing phone calls and letters
Parenting can be a thankless job, especially during the college years. In the “crisis” times, your son or daughter will unload troubles or tears. After the breakdown, your student will bounce back to normal, relieved, and lightened.
Meanwhile, the stress and worry they dumped off on you may make you feel lousy. Someday they’ll thank you for your service as an all-in-one advice dispenser, sympathetic ear, and emotional punching bag. Granted, that eagerly anticipated day may be a while down the road. In the meantime, remember your attentive patience works wonders for a frustrated student.