college adjustment
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Survival skills for parents
How to stay involved without overstepping your boundaries
Now that they’ve shucked the cap and gown and settled into a residence hall, students don’t want to hear from Mom and Dad anymore, right? Wrong.
Even when freshmen are wrapped up in the college experience, they still want their parents around. The tricky part is that students want parents in their lives, but on their terms. They want to make their own decisions but not be abandoned.
So how do you maintain the cool-parent status and stay involved in your student’s life? Here are a few tips:
Listen without judging
Don't be shocked if students mention this great party they went to or the movie marathon they stayed up late watching. At first studying and classes aren’t very high priorities. Don’t worry; it’ll change.
Some students will just want to call their parents to tell them what is going or to get things off their chests. If they ask for advice, offer it. If they don't, then serve as a sympathetic ear and just listen.
Non-judgmental listening is one of the most important actions a parent can provide. Support your student’s conclusions, and recognize he or she may make mistakes, but those mistakes are a part of growth. You can't and don't want to prevent that process. But you can try to cushion the pain, if possible.
Stay informed
Staying informed about what is happening on campus will not only satisfy your curiosity, but it also means a lot to students. Showing an interest in their lives shows them you care. If they’re looking for something to do on a Friday night, tell them about the K-State After Hours water balloon fight you read about or the movie showing in the Union.
Best of all, you can use your informed status to take preemptive strikes at stress. For example, knowing that midterms are around the corner means you should expect some panicky phone calls.
Check out K-State’s online calendar
Read the Collegian student newspaper
Visit K-State's homepage for all the latest purple-inspired news
Help them, but don’t do things for them
Over the course of your child’s college career, you’ll hear about assignments they just don’t know how to do. Help them out: give ideas, suggest sources to find information, or proofread. Just don’t do it for them. Not only is that considered cheating, but it also doesn’t teach your student anything.
A big part of college for most students is figuring things out for themselves. If Mom and/or Dad swoop in to bail them out every time they get into a sticky situation, students won’t learn anything.
This doesn’t just apply to homework: if they have a problem with a roommate, don’t call Housing and Dining Services to demand a new room. Or if they get sick, don’t rush to Manhattan to personally oversee the chicken noodle soup administration. Let them work the issue out with their roommate and their resident assistant, and tell them to make an appointment at Lafene Health Center. Be there to offer guidance, but encourage their independence.