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K-STATE PROFESSOR SAYS LIFE DOES GO ON AFTER A BREAKUP

MANHATTAN -- Breakin' up is hard to do. But what if you just can't get over a past love?

Besides burning old photos and scarfing down a gallon of ice cream, a Kansas State University professor offers some alternative solutions for the broken-hearted.

"Everyone is different," said Candyce Russell, professor of family studies and human services. "Some cope by turning inward, others recover better by connecting with others."

The speed of recovery will likely depend on the history of the relationship and whether other relationships with family and friends have been well maintained and are available for support, Russell said.

"Some people aren't stable going into a relationship," said Russell. "They haven't developed a self. They aren't clear about their goals, and haven't invested in a broad support network identified with society, or found a comfortable way to contribute to society through a paying job or volunteer work."

"Dealing with a breakup would be easier if the relationship had been an enrichment rather than a 'crutch' for the partners involved," she added.

Russell says one way to cope is to look back on other past relationships.

"Reminiscing is a good way to reflect on one's life and learn from the past," said Russell. "Look at how long it took to get over past relationships, and how you successfully dealt with previous losses."

Overall, Russell says that it just takes time to get over a loss.

"It is part of life's experiences -- breakups do happen," said Russell. "Life does go on."

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Winter 1997