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Kansas State Engineer
Anti-Gravity
A look at the lighter side of engineering
An Engineer in Hell
An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, “Ah, you’re an engineer —
you’re in the wrong place.”
So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of
comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they’ve got air conditioning and flush toilets
and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.
One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, “So, how’s it going down there in hell?”
Satan replies, “Hey, things are going great. We’ve got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there’s no
telling what this engineer is going to come up with next.”
God replies, “What??? You’ve got an engineer? That’s a mistake — he should never have gotten down there; send him
up here.”
Satan says, “No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I’m keeping him.”
God says, “Send him back up here or I’ll sue.
Satan laughs uproariously and answers, “Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?”
Engineering vs Math Majors
A math and engineering convention was being held. On the train to the convention, there were both math majors and
engineering majors. Each of the math majors had his/her own train ticket. But the Engineers had only ONE ticket for all of
them. The math majors started laughing and snickering. The engineers ignored the laughter.
Then, one of the engineers said, “Here comes the conductor”. All of the engineers piled into the bathroom. The math
majors were puzzled. The conductor came aboard and collected tickets from all the math majors. He went to the bathroom,
knocked on the door, and said, “Tickets Please”. An engineer stuck their only ticket under the door. The conductor took the
ticket and left. A few minutes later, the engineers emerged from the bathroom. The math majors felt really stupid.
On the way back from the convention, the group of math majors had ONE ticket for their group. They started snickering
at the engineers, who had NO tickets amongst them.
When the engineer lookout shouted, “Conductor coming!”, all the engineers again piled into a bathroom. All of the math
majors went into another bathroom. Then, before the conductor came on board, one of the engineers left the bathroom,
knocked on the other bathroom, and said, “Ticket please.”
A Programmer and an Engineer
A programmer and an Engineer are sitting next to each other on a long flight from Los Angeles to New York. The
Programmer leans over to the Engineer and asks if he would like to play a fun game. The Engineer just wants to take a nap, so
he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The Programmer persists and explains that the game is real easy and a lotta fun. He explains, “I ask you a question, and
if you don’t know the answer, you pay me $5. Then you ask me a question, and if I don’t know the answer, I pay you $5.”
Again the Engineer politely declines and tries to get to sleep.
The Programmer, now somewhat agitated, says “Ok, if you don’t know the answer, you pay me $5, and if I don’t know the
answer, I’ll pay you $50!”
This catches the engineer’s attention, and he sees no end to this torment unless he plays, so he agrees to the game. The
programmer asks the first question: “What is the distance from the Earth to the moon?”
The engineer doesn’t say a word, but simply reaches into his wallet, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the
programmer. Now, it’s the engineer’s turn. He asks the programmer, “What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down on
four?”
The programmer looks up at him with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all of his references.
He taps into the Airphone with the modem and searches the net and the library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends e-mail to
his coworkers – all to no avail. After about an hour, he wakes the engineer and hands him $50. He politely takes the $50 and
turns away to try to get back to sleep.
The programmer, more than a little miffed, shakes the engineer and asks, “Well, so what’s the answer?” Without a word,
the engineer reaches into his wallet, hands the programmer $5, and turns away to get back to sleep.
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