Counseling Services
Kansas State University
232 English/Counseling Services Bldg
Manhattan, KS 66506-6503
785-532-6927
counsel@k-state.edu

 

Contents

Introduction
Naming the Act
Myth and Facts
Recovering: Feelings and Decisions
Friends and Family: How to Help
Campus Resources
Community Resources
Written Information
References

 

Introduction

Rape is a subject many people don't want to speak of. Yet for those who survive sexual assault, healing and moving past the trauma into a sense of strength and well being can depend on the freedom to speak, on open and honest communication with others. This brochure can help both the survivors of sexual assault and those who care about them. It presents:

• Factual data about rape and sexual assault
• Suggestions for survivor's self-help after a sexual assault
• Aids for helping a friend survive the aftermath of sexual assault, and
• Resources for additional information and help.

Most studies about rape on campuses report that 15 to 30 percent of college women report having been raped by the time of college graduation (Koss & Oros, 1982; Miller & Marshall, 1987; Muehlenhard & Linton, 1987; Sandberg, Jackson, & Petretic Jackson, 1987). In fact, sexual aggression and/or rape in dating situations among college students is even more common. A reported two out of three college women have experienced unwanted sexual contact, including forced sexual intercourse, while with a date (Muehlenhard & Linton, 1987). The Rape Fact Sheet from the Communicable Disease Center states that  "In a national survey 27.7% of college women reported a sexual experience since the age of fourteen that met the legal definition of rape or attempted rape, and 7.7% of college men reported perpetrating aggressive behavior which met the legal definition of rape." (Koss, Gidycz, & Wisniewski, 1987).

Sexual assault and rape are crimes in which the victims of the violence are usually hidden from view. It is estimated that for every rape reported, between three and ten rapes are not reported (Koss & Harvey, 1983). Not only do the perpetrators go unpunished, but also the victims are unacknowledged and often receive little or no help in their struggle to survive the violence.

Naming the Act

Too often survivors of sexual assault and rape fail to identify these acts as violence. Failing to name them as violence often prevents survivors from seeking the help they need to overcome the trauma of having the control over themselves and their body forcibly taken away.

Healing begins when survivors are able to identify the assault or rape as a crime against them, regardless of whether the act meets legal definitions. Whenever an individual is forced to have sex or engage in sexual activity without giving consent, a crime has occurred. The act may or may not meet the legal definition of rape; however, the reactions, feelings, and need for assistance for the survivor are always present.

Rape and sexual assault are about power and dominance; they are not about sex and certainly not about feelings of affection or love.

The laws in each State and the policies on each Campus or in each office/business may differ. In Kansas, the Kansas statutes as well as Kansas State University policy prohibit sexual violence. Copies of the Kansas statutes regarding these offenses are available in Hale-Farrell Library. The complete K-State policy may be obtained from the Office of Student Life . The Kansas Law and K-State policy are abbreviated below.

Kansas Law (Abbreviated from KSA 21-3501) Kansas statutes prohibit a variety of crimes involving non-consensual sexual contact. These can range from rape to criminal sodomy to sexual battery. They are categorized as sexual offenses and can be found in KSA 21-3501. Changes in these statutes may be found in the Kansas Session Laws and KSA supplements. For the most up-to-date information, consult an attorney.

Briefly, Kansas law states that rape is sexual intercourse with a person who does not consent to the sexual intercourse or in which the victim does not or could not object to the rape as in the case of (1) being overcome by fear or force, (2) being unconscious or physically powerless, (3) being impaired due to mental deficiency or disease, or (4) being under the influence of alcohol or other drugs administered by the offender.

Definitions:

Rape: Any penetration of the female sex organ by a finger, by the male sex organ, or by any object without consent constitutes rape. Remaining silent or not objecting to the rape does not constitute consent.

Criminal sodomy: Oral contact of male or female genitalia or anal penetration by any body part or object without consent of the victim. Again, being unable to object to the act does not constitute consent and generally adheres to the same situations listed above for rape.

Sexual battery: Unlawful, intentional touching without the consent of the victim with the intent of arousing or satisfying the sexual desires of the offender or another. As in the case of rape, sexual battery can occur in situations where the victim does not or could not object to the touching.

Kansas State University Policy Prohibiting Sexual Violence

No form of sexual violence will be tolerated or condoned at Kansas State University. The Kansas State University policy prohibits not only those acts commonly understood to constitute "sexual assault," but also all attempts to coerce sexual activity. Individuals can be in violation of the Kansas State University policy without being in violation of the Kansas legal statutes.

Excessive use of alcohol and other drugs precedes many incidents of sexual violence. Use of these substances may interfere with one's capacity to consent to or to refuse sexual activity, and taking advantage of another person's vulnerability is unacceptable. Under no circumstances does the use of alcohol or other drugs diminish personal responsibility for aggressive or other socially unacceptable behavior.

Victims of sexual violence will be assisted in their efforts to seek redress to whatever extent they desire through the relevant laws of society. In addition, the university has established an administrative review process through which it may administer its own sanctions, which may be in lieu of or in addition to any legal redress.

 

Myth and Facts

Research shows that many women and men still believe in myths about rape, still blame the victims of the crime, and still minimize the impact on the victim of forced and often violent sexual behavior. The following data may help to clarify and rectify some of these ill-founded beliefs. The myths are written with a focus on women but apply equally to all victims of rape.

Myth: Only "bad" girls get raped and they "ask for it."

Fact: The first problem with this myth is that it shifts the responsibility for the crime from the rapist to the victim. No woman asks to be victimized, threatened, violated, frightened, humiliated, or degraded. No woman asks to be so threatened and violated that for the rest of her life she vividly remembers the trauma of the experience. No woman asks to fear for her life. No woman deserves to be raped. The second problem with this myth is that it ignores the fact that anyone, anywhere, at any time can be raped. Women, children, and even men have been victimized by rape!

Myth: Women enjoy being raped.

Fact: In all rape situations, women are threatened, humiliated, and violated, so it makes no sense to think that any victim of rape would enjoy such an experience. In fact, Amir (1971) found that in about 87 percent of reported rapes, the woman is threatened with a weapon and/or death if she resists. In view of the degradation and threat (whether a weapon is present or not), it is preposterous that anyone could still believe that any woman enjoys being raped.

Myth: When a woman says "no" to sex, she really means "yes." Women want men to force them to have sex.

Fact: In a study of college male attitudes about sexual coercion, Sandberg, et al. (1987) reported that 74 percent believed that when a woman says "no" to sex, she really means "yes.~ This belief seems to be used to justify the use of violence and aggression to obtain sex. When a woman says "no," that is what she means. Women do not want to have sex against their will.

Myth: Any healthy woman can defend herself against rape if she wants to. No woman can be raped against her will.

Fact: This is simply untrue. Believing this myth is the same as believing that people cannot be robbed against their will. How many people do you know who are willingly robbed? The primary reaction of most women in a rape situation is fear for their lives. Often they are threatened with a weapon, physically beaten, choked, and/or "roughed-up." In all cases, the woman has lost control over what may happen to her life and body. She is victimized and over-powered.

Myth: Women "cry rape" to get back at a man for breaking up with her or to protect her reputation after she has consented to have sex. In other words, the myth goes, women lie about being raped.

Fact: The incidence of false reporting of rape is about 2 percent. This is about the same as that for false reporting of other felonies (Department of Social Services). Survivors of sexual assault are often traumatized again when they report the assault or rape since the process of making a police report itself can be very difficult. This re-victimization makes the likelihood of false reporting very minimal. It is far more likely that rape is very under-reported. Some experts estimate that only 1 in 10 rapes are ever reported.

Myth: Only crazy, deranged, sex-starved, insane men rape women.

Fact: While it may be true that some rapists are crazy, deranged, sex-starved, and insane men, most rapists would not be described in such a way. Most rapes are perpetrated by acquaintances of the victim (Watkins, 1990), by people most likely described as initially seeming to be "nice" people who then do harmful/hurtful/unlawful acts .  Further, studies of "normal" college men suggest that about one-third endorse the notion that if they could be assured that they would not be caught, they would rape a woman (Malamuth, 1981). This strongly suggests a major need for education and change in how men and women understand rape issues!

Myth: Most rapists are strangers.

Fact: More than half of all rapes are committed by someone the victim knows. In fact, during the dating years, 70 to 90 percent of rapes are acquaintance or date rapes. A rapist can be a stranger, a spouse, a friend, or even a family member. A woman's chance of being raped by an acquaintance is four times greater than her chance of being raped by a stranger. Being raped by an acquaintance "is more common than left-handedness, heart attacks, or alcoholism" (Warshaw, 1989, p. 11).

Myth: Most rapes are spontaneous and unplanned. The rapist just cannot control himself.

Fact: In a study of convicted rapists, Amir (1971) found that 71 percent of the rapes were planned. The rapist had in his mind to rape either a specific woman or any woman. Another 11 percent of rapes were partially planned--the man took advantage of a woman in a vulnerable situation (e.g., intoxication, hitchhiking, etc.).

Myth: Rape only occurs in large cities, at night, in poorly lighted areas, when a woman is out alone.

Fact: Rape occurs in towns of all sizes, in daylight or darkness, to women alone or in public, of any age, in any attire, even in the woman's home (Muehlenhard & Linton, 1987). No environment can be guaranteed as rape-free.

Myth: Rape does not happen very often and thus is only a minor crime.

Fact: In the United States about 240 rapes occur every day. That's about 88,000 rapes per year, and that's a conservative estimate (McEvoy & Brookings, 1984). It is estimated that one in every three women in the United States will be raped at some time in her life (Lynch, 1985).

Myth: Rape could never happen to me. Only "other" women get raped --women who are easy, or who drink too much, or who party too much, or who go to bars, or who dress too seductively, or who go out at night, or ....

Fact: The fact is that anyone, at any time, at any place can be raped. Young women, old women, children, infants, conservative, liberal, drunk, sober, attractive, unattractive, rich, poor, tall, short, religious, non-religious, perfect, not so perfect, and the list can go on and on. As long as rape continues to exist, all of us are at risk.

 

Recovering: Feelings and Decisions

Recovering from rape is a process that begins as soon as the immediate threat has ended and the perpetrator is gone. There are many decisions to be made and many feelings to be expressed. Not all of the decisions or feelings will need to be handled at once, but rather as recovery progresses. The following are common reactions.

This Can't Be Happening: Fear and shock are the overriding feelings during the initial phase of surviving. Some people initially react to these feelings by crying, by being anxious, by exhibiting an exaggerated startle response, and by feeling ashamed, dirty, violated, vulnerable, and self-blaming. Others may react to the fear and shock as if nothing traumatic has happened. They may appear to be "handling everything just fine."

Yet every survivor of sexual assault or rape is dramatically affected, regardless of how they may appear to be feeling or behaving following the attack.

The feeling of being tramatized may make decision-making more difficult, yet there are some questions that will need to be answered. Am I safe here or do I need to go someplace else? Where should I go? Should I tell someone? Who should I tell and when? Should I call the police? Should I seek medical help?

Making rational decisions during this time of emotional upheaval is difficult. Survivors need to weigh alternatives, and they usually will benefit from talking with gentle, informed, and trained crisis helpers. Most communities have a telephone hot line that can help survivors sort out options even if the survivor does not want to give a name or make any sort of formal or official report.

Remember:

• Get to safety.
• Call or go to someone for help.
• Begin to regain control of your life by taking control of the recovery process.
• Believe that you are not to blame for what happened.

I Just Want To Forget What Happened: Usually, survivors will experience a fairly dramatic shift in feelings and sometimes in behavior very soon after the sexual assault or rape. Where once they were fearful, tearful, confused, emotionally drained, and out of control, now they may appear to be just fine.

Survivors at this stage will often say, "I just want to put this out of my mind and get on with my life. And that is exactly what the survivor will try to do.

This is usually a time when feelings get closed off as the survivor tries to heal from the emotional and psychological wound. This is often the time when family and friends may be fooled into believing that the survivor really has recovered.

This phase may last from a few days to several months. During this time, decisions typically are postponed or left hanging. Feelings are restricted and there is the appearance that everything is normal.

Keep in mind that the survivor is healing but is not healed entirely at this point. Survivors are trying to heal by gaining emotional distance from the trauma. Thus, they still need the support of family and friends regardless of how they may appear to be feeling or behaving.

I'm So Angry And Depressed. I Can't Seem To Get Control Of My Emotions: Regardless of how hard survivors may try to keep the sexual assault or rape from impacting their lives, no matter how much they may deny its importance, the experience has had a profound influence.

Survivors will likely feel anger, depression, anxiety, and perhaps have a general sense that everything is falling apart. This phase is often marked by recurring nightmares, a generalized feeling of anxiety, and flashbacks to the attack While these feelings are disturbing, they are a normal reaction to a trauma and are part of the healing process. Often it is at this time that survivors seek assistance from trained professionals who can help to put their lives back together and recover from  rape-related post-traumatic stess.

Depression is also a part of the picture during this phase. Survivors may experience changes in sleeping and eating habits as well as changes in ordinary, everyday behaviors. For instance, survivors may cease activities in which they normally would have participated. They may cry for no apparent reason or burst out in anger at what would seem to be minor irritations. This anger may be directed at the perpetrator, loved ones, or self.

Loss of sexual identity may also occur. Survivors may change their clothing style, hairstyle, makeup, or anything else that will allow them to see themselves as different from the person who was attacked. Though this is a painful time, this phase suggests that the survivor is beginning to deal with the reality of the sexual assault or rape.

Life Goes On And I Can Handle It: When enough of the anger and depression is released and worked through, survivors may begin to accept what has happened to them. They may still think and talk about what happened, but they will now understand and feel in control of their emotions.

The trauma begins to play less of a major role in their life. In no way do they condone what happened but they are now able to live again. Though their lives may have changed, their feelings of self-worth and strength will reemerge. As this happens, survivors will need to spend less and less time dealing with the rape. In essence the rape experience will become integrated with all of their other life experiences.

Life will probably be different, and their world view may have changed somewhat, but the survivor will feel strong and whole and in control of life again. At this point, they have not only survived but also recovered from the trauma.

Remember: Recovery does occur, and life can and will go on. Though a bad thing happened, it does not have to play a predominant role in life forever. The survivor will have control rather than "the event" having control. Friends will continue to be important. They will continue to provide support, caring, and assistance when needed. The survivor is now able to reciprocate.

 

Friends and Family: How to Help

The process of recovering from a sexual assault or rape takes time. As a friend or loved one, your help during this process is essential. Survivors need a great deal of support and caring as they begin to address and survive a very frightening and violent experience. Friends and family can help by:

Listening and being available.

Survivors will need to talk about what happened and will probably express many feelings. Providing a safe environment in which to talk and also setting aside time for these conversations may be the most helpful thing that friends and family can do. You do not need to provide answers. Just listen.

If you are not able or willing to listen, acknowledge that , then help the survivor in ways that you can. Remember that the recovery process may last for several months to years and that the need and desire to talk will vary depending on where the survivor happens to be in the recovery process .

Survivors may also need encouragement from loved ones to seek the assistance of a trained professional who can help the survivor to express the often painful thoughts and feelings connected to the sexual assault or rape.

 

Believing and not Judging.

Too often family and friends may fall into the trap of believing some of the rape myths -- particularly those that have to do with the victim somehow being responsible for the assault or rape. The job of family and friends is to support, to believe, and to be non-judgmental. Survivors will be dealing with their own sense of shame and guilt and should not be burdened by the ill-founded judgments of those people who are closest to them.

 

Offering a safe place to stay or even staying with the survivor.

This may seem like such a small thing, but feeling safe again may be very difficult for the survivor. Having family or friends close at hand can facilitate that sense of being safe and protected. It is important, however, not to be smothering. Allow survivors to determine where they want to stay and with whom.

 

Recognizing that recovery takes a long time.

It is important for significant people in the survivor's life to refrain from suggesting or even hinting that the survivor "should have gotten over it by now." This sort of nonsupport may further delay or interrupt the healing process.

Friends and family can aid in the healing by acknowledging the feelings, by reminding the survivor that the feelings are a normal part of healing, and by emphasizing that these feelings will not last forever.

 

Respecting the decisions that the survivor makes.

Part of feeling in control includes making decisions and having those decisions be respected. Sometimes family and friends may not agree with the decisions that are being made; however, it is important that survivors be allowed to determine their own solutions to the sexual assault or rape.

 

Being gentle, sensitive, and respectful of the survivor's wishes for closeness or affection.

Do be gentle and sensitive. Survivors may want affection or they may not want to be close. If you are not sure what they want, ask before acting and recognize that what they want may change from time to time.

Dealing with your own feelings.

Typically family and friends have some fairly strong reactions to having someone they care about being assaulted or raped. They may feel anger, rage, guilt, confusion, blame, or numerous other strong emotions. Just as the actual survivor must express emotion, so too must friends and family.

But rather than expressing this emotion to the survivor, the friend or family member should deal with these emotions with someone else. It is not fair to survivors to have to handle not only their own feelings but also those of the people they are turning to for support and assistance. In fact, this can only add to the feelings of guilt and remorse that survivors may already be feeling. In essence, it may only make healing more difficult (Hughes & Sandler, 1987).

Understanding the impact of the trauma on sexual interactions with your partner.

Sexual Partners: A Special Relationship. Since sexual assault violates an individual in a most personal way, the intimate partner of a survivor has a special place in the healing process and will especially need to use all of the ways to help:

•     Listening, being available
•     Believing, not judging
•     Providing safety
•     Respecting the survivor's decisions
•     Allowing recovery time--as long as is needed
•     Respecting in a sensitive manner the survivor's wishes for affection or sexual contact
•     Addressing one's own feelings of anger, rage, guilt, sadness, confusion, or blame.

Additionally, it may be important for partners of assault victims to seek out counseling, either for themselves or with their partner, if asked. It is not unusual for both survivors and their intimate partners to request assistance in dealing with issues around sexuality, intimacy, and trust after the violation and trauma of a sexual crime. Partners who want to act as an advocate for the assault victim can contact the Women's Center (532-6444) to obtain more information and reading materials.

 

 

Campus Resources

Sexual assault and rape happen. And when they do, people need assistance. At Kansas State University we have several services that help survivors of sexual assault and also the people who care about the survivors. Using these services can aid the speed and success of recovery.

As a K-State student, many support services are available to you, but none will be forced on you. We respect your right to decide how best to take care of yourself. Whatever you decide, remember no one asks or deserves to be assaulted or raped.

Medical Attention

Women's Clinic, 532-6554 at the Student Health Center, KSU, 532-6544
It is often difficult for women and for men to acknowledge that they have been raped/assaulted. Whether or not you have suffered obvious physical injury, prompt medical attention is probably needed. You may have been exposed to a sexually transmitted disease or suffered some injury that is more subtle. Sometimes pregnancy may occur after a rape. Seek medical attention whether or not you know your attacker. You do not have to report the attack to the police in order to receive medical attention. However, the women's clinic, the student health center, or any hospital emergency room can provide help with gathering evidence with a "rape kit" in case you later may want to report it to the police.

Counseling

Counseling Services, KSU, 532-6927
Emotional injury is a part of sexual assault or rape. Just as your physical health needs attention, your emotional well-being also needs attention. Talking to a knowledgeable and sensitive counselor who knows the trauma of sexual assault and understands the challenges of recovery can help you deal with feelings, make decisions, and get your life back on track.

Advocacy and Information

Women's Center, KSU, (785) 532-6444
The Women's Center welcomes women and men seeking information and assistance with a varity of issues. An advocate -- someone to work with and for you -- can help you explore available options and see that your needs and rights are respected. You may want someone to help you talk with your family, your landlord, your instructors, your spouse, or your lover. You may want information and support as you decide whether to report the assault to law enforcement and/or university authorities. Books, pamphlets, and other information about sexual assault and rape are available at the Women's Center. There is even information that can help friends of rape survivors deal with the trauma and aid the survivor as well.

Reporting, Advocacy, and Information

Office of Student Life, KSU, (785) 532-6432
The Dean of Student Life Office can assist students in gaining the services and information they need. Also if a student wants to report a sexual assault or rape without going to the police, this office can take the report and can assist in determining appropriate University action.

 

Community Resources

Crisis Help and Information in Manhattan, KS and Vicinity

Crisis Center
785-539-7935 (24 hrs) in Manhattan, KS
The Crisis Center offers crisis intervention counseling as well as assistance with medical and legal needs. Both personal and telephone contact with survivors of rape and sexual assault and their families are available. Services are free and confidential.

Mercy Health Center on College
785-776-3322 at 1823 College Ave., Manhattan, KS
The local hospital, Mercy also offers an Emergency Room for crisis health care.

Pawnee Mental Health Services 785-587-4300 (24 hrs)
Pawnee Mental Health Services is a private, not-for-profit comprehensive community mental health center that serves 10 counties. Emergency services are available for those who are experiencing an emotional crisis. Fees vary according to services provided.

Check your local telephone directory/yellow pages for listings of private practitioners/hospitals/etc. in your area.

For Resources outside of Manhattan, KS, check our Links page for some suggestions.

 

Other Web sources:
Rape: Let's Stop It : this website offers information and further links concerning rape that can be useful to victims of rape, whether female or male.

Written Information

McEvoy, A. W. & Brookings, J. B. (1984). If she is raped. A book for husbands, fathers and male friends. Holmes Beach, FL: Learning Publications.
Available at the Women's Center, this book is very readable and helpful for those who are trying to help a loved one in recovering from a rape or sexual assault. It is also helpful for friends and family who are having to recover from the trauma of having someone they care about be raped or sexually assaulted.

Warshaw, R (1988). I never called it rape. St. Louis, MO: Harper & Row.
This book is especially good for those people who have been raped or sexually assaulted by a date or acquaintance. The author debunks some of the myths and provides a framework for understanding and recovering from the trauma. It is also available from the lending library at the Women's Center.

 

References

Amir, M. (1971). Patterns of forcible rape. Chicago: University of Chicago Press.

Department of Social Services. Myths and facts about sexual assault. Jefferson City, MO: Missouri Division of Health, Section of Maternal and Child Health.

Federal Bureau of Investigation. (1983). Uniform Crime Reports, 1982. Washington, D.C.: U. S. Department of Justice.

Hughes, J. O. & Sandler, B. R. (1987). "Friends" raping friends: Could it happen to you? Washington, D. C.: Project on the Education and Status of Women, Association of American Colleges.

Koss, M.P., Gidycz, K.A. and Wisniewski, N. (1987). The scope of rape: Incidence and prevalence of sexual aggression and victimization in a national sample of higher education students. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 55(2):
162-170.

Koss, M. P. & Harvey, M. R. (1987). The rape victim: Clinical and community approaches to treatment. Lexington, MA: The Stephen Greene Press.

Koss, M.P. & Oros, C. J. (1982). Sexual experiences survey; A research instrument investigating sexual aggression and victimization. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 50, 455-457.

KSA (1988). 21-3501, Sex Offenses.

Lynch, S. (1985) Counseling date rape survivors: Implications for college student personnel professionals. Text of Presentation at ACPA Annual Conference, Boston, MA.

Malamuth, N. M. (1981). Rape proclivity among males. Journal of Social Issues, 37 (4), 138-157.

McEvoy, A. W. & Brookings, J. B. (1984). If she's raped: A book for husbands, fathers and male friends. Holmes Beach, FL: Learning Publications.

Miller, B. & Marshall, J. C. (1987). Coercive sex on the university campus. Journal of College Student Personnel, 28, 38-47.

Muehlenhard, C. L. & Linton, M. A. (1987). Date rape and sexual aggression in dating situations: Incidence and risk factors. Journal of Counseling Psychology, 4 (2), 186-196.

Sandberg, G., Jackson, T. L., & Petretic-Jackson, P. (1987). College students' attitudes regarding sexual coercion and aggression: Developing education and preventive strategies. Journal of College Student Personnel, 28, 302-311.

Telthorst, R. (1986) Rape/sexual battery. In Kansas Women's Legal Rights Handbook (pp. 97-101). Kansas State Department of Social and Rehabilitation Services.

Warshaw, R. (1988). I never called it rape. St. Louis, MO: Harper & Row.

Watkins, C. E. (1990). Psychiatric epidemiology II: The prevalence and aftermath of sexual assault. Journal of Counseling and Development, 68, 341-343.

Originally written and developed in 1992 by Rebecca A. Sanderson, Ph.D., with assistance from Susan Allen, Ph.D., Kay Garrett, M.S., and staff at the Counseling Services and the Women's Center; modified and adapted in 1997 for use on the Internet by Dorinda Lambert, Ph.D. 
Further  updated in 2001 by Mary Todd, M.A. and Dorinda Lambert, Ph.D.